Slow Moon Sink
by mellish
Summary: Yuffie thinks about the ghosts of her past while trying not to turn into one herself.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I'd just like to clarify the setting, since it's definitely a problem with regards to KH. The setting of this first chapter is KH1; up until three years ago, the Squaresoft people were living in Hollow Bastion, because their respective worlds got swallowed by the Heartless (I took the liberty of considering the various towns and cities in FF games 'worlds'). I tried to follow canon, but it was too hard. In any case, I didn't explain too much, so just fill in wherever you think is apt. :D

**Slow Moon Sink**

_"I should not have waited. It would have been better to have slept and dreamed, Than to have watched the night pass, And this slow moon sink."  
- Lady Akezome Emon, translated by Kenneth Rexroth_

**I.**

_Vincent Valentine has turned me into the one thing I always told him not to be: a ghost._

So the days are long and dreary and marked by a few unimportant ventures into town, to buy potions they don't need, to fight Heartless that they know, with some sickly resignation, will be wiped out completely by a kid in the end. To converse with Cid, who sits companionably in the first district with moogles and chipmunks. _Moogles and chipmunks. _The sadness of it all makes Yuffie want to swallow her throwing stars until they puncture her insides to shreds. Every day there are more monsters and less men, and even the animals are getting their hearts sucked out. She tells herself not to feel too bad – at least _they_ can succumb and forget. When you're expected to be brave and help save not just the world, but the _worlds_, you can't wake up in the morning and not _try _to fight, not _want_ to. It just ain't right.

She's not even allowed to stop smiling – then everyone would stop floating in a no-nothing-ever-happened bubble, and she'd practically be shouting _yes it did happen, and we're close as ever to dead, now_, and no one wants to know _that_. Leon didn't smile much even when he was Squall, and Aeris does more of a pretty quirk of the lips than a real full-blown _smile_, but Yuffie used to make it a point to cheer up (not annoy, of course, _never_ to annoy) the castle's occupants with her toothy smirks and matching cat-closed eyes. No one really returned the gesture, of course, but she could always do it anyways. Now it takes an effort like spellcasting to drag up the edges of her lips, but she can't tell them that, although sometimes she wonders, _why am I the only one that's pretending?_

_For his sake? _

_Like he'd even appreciate it._

Because he'd hate to have another sin pegged on him, another chain added to the bindings around his soul. Well, he can't escape from this one, she figures, and there's a lot of it too: semi-suicide, breaking promises, breaking _hearts_, murder (okay, so it's murdering the bad guys, but she just wants to add as much as she can to that list) and the smaller things like drinking or cursing. She grew up giggling at his emotional baggage, poking fun at his troubles, because she thought that would make them go away; but now he's turned the tables around and forced her to carry a share of his sadness, and it hardly seems comical.

If Leon appears to be made of gravel, then Vincent was – had been (but she's not supposed to think in past tense, is she?) made of stone: two gorgeous gargoyles hunched together doing boring things like polishing their guns or reading, or wallowing in their self-induced angst, which she could never really understand (even until now). Hollow Bastion suited them well (hello, the name _alone_ made perfect sense) – dark corridors and too-fancy stairs, intricate designs on the furniture and black magic brewing in the basement. They'd known none of it, of course. Ansem had played the generous king, he had spared them their castle until their worlds could be restored, and all the tenants (some Yuffie had known better than others, some less) had a strange, formal, respectful gratitude towards the man.

Yuffie had been a princess living in another's castle, and that had been a strange idea, although in Wutai she had always been more of a ninja than royalty. Of course, Ansem wasn't really a king, either, but he fit the bill well enough. She had been one of the last few to arrive, cold and clueless, Wutai a black hole behind her and the sky was dark and scary. And something had approached – a man (but she had thought he was a shadow, at first, slinking through the darkness towards her with a hiss – the cape - and clink – the claw), and she had thrown a shuriken at him (as if there were any more stars left to throw, because that was how her world had been swallowed, the stars fading one by one until even the sun was gone). It must have hit home, actually, ripped through his cloak, and cut him, although she didn't know it then, because he never mentioned pain no matter how bad it was.

_Yeah, never, as if you were the strongest slab of red-eyed stone in the world and you're not macho, you've never been, because you don't have biceps or an eight-pack like the others do. And you know what, Vinnie, we can't ALL be that tough and selfless, we can't ALL cut ourselves open and bleed and pretend it's nothing the way you did. That's just stupid._

Vincent (although she hadn't known his name, yet) had stooped to her level and put a milk-white (moonlit?) finger against her lips, which was probably poised to scream, and he had told her he wouldn't hurt her. He had promised.

_And you didn't seem like a liar._

It had been hollow, a mess of orphans and similarly lost non-kids, but it had also been sanctuary, for the seven or so years she had lived in it. Ansem didn't talk to them much either, so no one really suspected anything was wrong when he didn't appear for a while. That explained why, when Aeris ran into the great hall one day and screamed that there were dark, creepy things coming up from Angel Falls, everyone had gone stone cold. It was the end, the end, the end. Yuffie said as much, crying and running around in circles (while repeating to herself, in between hiccups, _you're a ninja, get a grip, dammit)_. She didn't even care who was telling her to shut up anymore. Hell, she knew they were all saying the same thing, only not aloud, and it made her feel better to voice it anyway.

Cloud (the unofficial leader, although Leon – Squall, then, would also take charge on occasion) sorted out shifts and allotted weaponry and armor. Aeris was put on healing duty, along with Rinoa (who could actually fight quite well too, when she and Leon – then Squall – weren't making puppy eyes at each other). Tifa said she would take the first shift, and Cloud almost didn't let her, but she had bashed in a stone pillar (they had all held their breath then, expecting Ansem to appear out of nowhere and berate her) and said that she could take care of the darkness as good as anyone, so why not let her?

Yuffie almost felt _sorry_ for Cloud when he turned away and said a grudging yes.

Not sorry enough to forgive him for putting Vincent out there, though. She knew he was never fully alive, knew that he had monsters inside him (although that didn't make his claim to be _just like them_ any less ridiculous), knew that he was chasing after death himself, because the reaper wouldn't take him through the normal, un-painful means of ages-long sleep. She knew why, also: Lucretia, Lucretia, beautiful Lucretia, Lucretia in his waking, Lucretia in his sleep, every sentence he _breathed_ rang her name. Yuffie, bored and not particularly useful in the kitchen like the other girls, had prodded him about it often enough. And those were the only times when he'd seem a monster. He'd actually _snarl_. "Yuffie, stop."

And sometimes she was jealous, but mostly she was mad. "You have to stop moping after someone who isn't there, Vinnie, else you're gonna turn into a ghost yourself."

_Right back at ya, Great Ninja Yuffie, although really it should be Great Idiot Yuffie instead._

And sometimes she is jealous, but mostly she is mad, and she pretends it's nothing when every moment she is secretly asking, with a growing vehemence, _How could he?_

Leon is entitled to mope and grope, because he believes he was powerless and he thinks it's his own fault for losing _her_, but Yuffie _knows_ that in her own case, she had no say in what happened (she'd have fought the darkness, too, if they had let her).

It was all _his_ fault. Blame, blame, blame, blame, blame, blame, _him_.

For having red eyes, for losing his world and finding recluse in Hollow Bastion where she arrived, too; for being forced to put up with her because no one else would mind her; for treating her like a sister, for making her hate that ghost's name he'd mutter; for allowing himself to be swallowed up by the darkness when there was enough space for one more, there had to be, and no she didn't care how cramped it would be in that stupid sissy gummi ship of Cid if he had clambered into it. For not coming back.

For pushing her away when she tried to kiss him, as if she were twelve and he was timeless (and, when she considered it, thirteen was not much older than twelve, and he _was_ timeless – gorgeous and broken and breathing, but never _dead_).

"_I have to go, Yuffie," He ruffled her hair and turned to leave._

For haunting her. Making her haunted herself. Whatever.

Yuffie can't angst (she could never pull of _brooding, _nuh-uh, and she doesn't even _want_ to, actually, with the way everyone else is doing it so it ain't cool and special anymore). But she _can_ be mad, and she doesn't care if it pisses off Leon or not. Hey, at least her denial doesn't involve totally confusing people by switching her name – not that she has anything good to fall back on. (Let's see – Squall _Leon_hart. Yuffie Kisaragi. _Kisa?_ Grossness.) "Gawd, I hate this! Hate this!" _This_, referring to everything: their lame little Third District house, Cid refusing to take her around in his Gummi, Sora not saving the world fast enough, Leon standing there pouting, resembling _him_ so much that she feels like tearing his face off to stop it mocking her, she's being unreasonable but she's also sixteen and tired of waiting, so it figures.

He treats her like a bully. _Ignore them and they'll go away. _Hah. She keeps on.

"This sucks! I hate, hate, hate this."

"You mean _him._"

His words catch her off-guard so badly she almost feels winded. "What!"

No, she needs a better comeback than that to jolt him out of his stand-and-look-cool-smugness. She ignores the sting at the corner of her eyes and almost sobs, "Ugh, _Squall_, I hate _you._"

To his credit, he doesn't quip back with something like, _the feeling is mutual. _

Instead, he almost looks sorry. But people that gorgeous never need to apologize, and he doesn't, although he does shake his head and say, "Look, it'll all go back to normal someday, okay?"

She takes comfort in this and sits down on a box in their little loveshack, hands propping up her chin. Aeris is out to visit Cid and then Merlin, although Yuffie suspects that she also wants a nice cup of tea from either. She imagines where _he_ might be, in any of the worlds Sora told them about. In the Graveyard of Halloween Town, sleeping in a coffin. In Neverland, flying instead of his creepy vampiric floating. Vinnie with _freaking_ fins. Why not? He'd make a wicked hot merman if he weren't so skinny and pale – if he became a merman at all, and not a turtle or crab (shells, walls and worlds away). In the Hundred Acre Wood. He'd be mortified. He'd slash Pooh to bits with that doomsday claw of his.

_I'll patch him up and tear you apart instead._

Vinnie in her waking, but she won't let him occupy her sleep, not the way Lucretia did his, not as a ghost that appears from some grave to converse with her.

_Although you DID sleep in a coffin for some time. Until I forced you not to. Where are you lying now? I'd force you out of there, too, if I could._

And the rip that she makes on her lower lip doesn't hurt quite as much as the rip in her heart.

_-xx-_

"_I can fight with you guys, Vinnie, honest, don't go, don't leave me behind -" _

_She's sobbing, sick with fear, and Cid is yelling at her to climb into the ship already. Their non-kiss doesn't sting her as much as she expects it to. Even less when he stoops down (like that evening so many years ago, when she was cold and clueless for nearly the same reasons) and puts a milk-white (moonlit?) finger against her lips which are probably poised to scream, and tells her,_

"I'll be back."

And she knows it's for her sake.

…_You know, you didn't seem like a liar.

* * *

_

A/N: In case it wasn't so clear, in this fic's background story Tifa, Rinoa and Vincent had also lived in Hollow Bastion before; the other FF7 and FF8 characters _may_ have, but I'll just leave that open to deliberation. I hope you liked it, and if you did, please leave a review. All comments are, as usual, well-appreciated. There's actually a second chapter finished already, no matter how much this seems like a oneshot. :D I'll post it soon enough.

I felt I ought to say this: Guardian1's _The Lion in the Meadow_ and Karasu Kurokiba's _Tamatebako _also had Vincent as a part of KH Yuffie's past. They're both really great stories, which I have read and really liked. I have a different backstory, but I'm sure there will be similarities, for which I apologize. ;


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This chapter takes place a little after the ending of KH1.**  
**

**Slow Moon Sink **

**II.**

One for materia, one for Heartless, and one for the dead man who isn't quite gone.

Yuffie's personal radars, and they're all working quite well with the exception of the last one, because she has had too many false alarms and each time it gets harder to bear.

The first was right after the flight from Hollow Bastion. Cid was rusty, the ship was rusty, and Yuffie had been banged up so much on the way that she had been seeing stars (or were they yellow Heartless eyes, creeping out from knockout-induced darkness to haunt her, and was she _ever_ going to escape?). Not to mention the fact that Leon had to haul her in over his shoulder like a baby while she scratched the feathers off his jacket. Not to mention the barf that had spoiled the flight even worse – her pride had been blown to smithereens when Aeris raised her dainty hands to cover her nose. They couldn't open the windows. No gravity.

She fell asleep crying, even while the ship dived around shots from a Heartless enemy (what, those things are in _space, _too?). She woke up with a misplaced memory and the feeling that she had just had the worst Nightmare ever, and when she titled her head up from the bed to make sure she was quite awake, the first thing she saw was half a dozen belts against black. And then she threw her arms out to hug him, and found that the belts were actually – ew – Leon's.

So the End of the World had come, after all.

False alarm number two was their first visit to Olympia. Yuffie had tried her best not to be hysterical, keeping her feet firmly planted on the ground while she showed Phil her Hero's License. The goat man had squinted at her, hard, and she _knew_ he was burning to ask, _little kid made of skin and bones, are you SURE?_ but then Leon had come up behind her and registered as well, so he let her pass. And all through the battles she was looking, unable to help herself, looking hard. Dodging the Heartless and searching for a _trace_ of Galian Beast (who was NOT Behemoth) or Chaos (who was NOT an Invincible) or even Gigas (who wasn't remotely anywhere), and she never thought she'd actually be unhappy _not_ seeing them. She had even bothered to jump onto Cerberus, wobble onto one giant head, and (while Leon was charging a Firaga spell) whisper in one humongous ear, "Vinnie?"

Then it had turned to sink its giant teeth into her, and she had flipped away just in time.

Cerberus had red eyes, but they weren't his. She knew that he had never had a three-headed dog inside him, anyway, but that didn't stop her hoping (in vain, haha, although she hates sounding lovesick almost as much as hates feeling it. Almost). Leon delivered the finishing blow (both ways, actually). Down came the gunblade on Cerberus. Down came the near-roar on Yuffie. "Are you INSANE?"

Not quite as much as she would have liked to be, actually, but at that moment her reply was cut off by the slow swish of red cloth.

_Torn_ red cloth. Red cape. Gold fingers. She tackled the wearer like a wrestling pro and had started whacking him good on either side of the chest, and she would have been laughing if she weren't deliriously angry because hahaha, the match hadn't started yet. And she started asking, "Where have you been, you stupid freaking _zombie_, you're so gonna get it now," only, to her infinite horror, it melted into, "Why the _hell_ are you wearing that, Cloud Strife?"

Silence.

Cloud wasn't him, and Leon wasn't him, and they were both trying hard to fix the situation, but how could they? They couldn't. She didn't see the exchange of raised eyebrows, but she knew it was taking place. Cloud shifted from underneath her (that was wrong-sounding, and she'd actually be quite gleeful about that if the situation weren't so horrible) and then, as gently as he could, he hoisted himself upright, so that she ended up kneeling on his boots. One fist she curled around the cape (all shredded down one end and missing all its buckles but she still knew it was his, and Cloud was a bastard for wearing it), the other she kept smashing against the back of Cloud's calves.

Leon pulled her away while Cloud muttered an awkward apology, and she cuddled the cape like a worn-out blankie, both wanting and not wanting to ask. In the end, she picked the former.

And Cloud was forced to apologize a second time.

She was happy to see him. Of course she was. But she wasn't happy to see him _alone_.

The third false alarm, and probably the worst, was thinking that, with Hollow Bastion restored, he'd be back. They weren't certain how they knew, exactly – there was an earth-shattering click like a giant key turning in the center of the universe, and Leon had looked up from his boring old texts, and said, in a voice that was more tombstone that usual, "That's it. Sora did it." And Aeris clapped her hands and give a delighted little laugh, and Yuffie felt something like hope clench miserably inside her. Cid arrived two days later carrying a cool-eyed Cloud, who stood like a pillar while Aeris walked around him, smiling, concerned, relieved but upset – because, well, although they all try not to mention it, but Cloud has changed terribly too. Either it's Sephiroth clouding his heart, or he still hasn't recovered from losing Tifa.

And now Cloud really _is _full of strife, which makes three gargoyles, only one of them is missing.

Yuffie doesn't know what to expect, at first – not fireworks and fanfare, certainly, but she doesn't think they might have to rebuild the whole freaking _world_ from scratch, either. She has known for a long time that Wutai is gone for good, and Traverse has never been home, so that the only place left is here, but...now it is more hollow than ever, full of empty holes and wreckage and people that act as if they are made of ice (coughLeoncough). But the days pass, and more villagers come back, a little dazed; Cid starts coming up with new restoration machines, and even Merlin comes over and decides to help them out.

They start rebuilding the world from nothing.

And she wakes up every day with the furious spark of _maybe,_ although she tries her hardest not to. Leon keeps the disappointment from showing best as he can, too, although when their eyes meet in the morning (at least they have separate rooms, now), both pairs seem to say, _another day and it's getting more hopeless_. He still hasn't changed his name – which is fine, because she's gotten used to this one by now. She has stopped saying names from the past if she can help it, picking them out of her surfacing thoughts like weeds (but they cling persistently instead, like poison ivy).

There is a call to celebration once the marketplace is up and running again. Aeris plans it for nearly a week, and even Cid stops building defense mechanisms long enough to device some fireworks for the feast. Yuffie, for old time's sake and because she doesn't want Aeris to think thar she's turned into a zombie like everyone else, somersaults around singing about how fun its gonna be, and hey can she show off some of her fantastical uber-cool ninja skills? Leon grimaces and folds his arms, all set to be a killjoy.

Aeris turns to him, lifts a coy eyebrow and says, "You _will _dance with Yuffie, won't you?"

"No."

"Leon _dancing_?" Yuffie stops in mid-jump and falls on her face laughing incredulously.

But to their mutual horror, they end up dancing anyway. After all, Aeris always has her way, even without threats or excessive persuasion. (Why does pouting never work for Yuffie?) While the flower girl sits and chats with an unusually amiable Cloud, and Cid asks Merlin if magic can be used to power his machines, Leon trods on all her toes in succession, squishing them in his big black boots of death. She isn't very good at dancing, but she doesn't _suck_ as bad as him, at least.

"I thought you said Rinoa taught you to dance?"

He stomps on her little toe and sighs, and she sees him fighting the urge to swallow. "She did."

And the quiet is almost solid.

"Sorry."

"What for? You're the one who won't be able to walk tomorrow."

She pinches his arm. "You don't have to sound so _gleeful_ about it." They sneak out when Aeris isn't looking (and besides, Cid has started to do his bizarre tipsy walk into the dance floor, so perhaps it really is all for the best) and Yuffie kicks off her shoes and stretches. It would've been worse if her dance partner had been wearing metal shoes, she decides. A lot worse.

_And the cape would have twirled better than the both of us, anyways, right?_

They go out the next day to buy new clothes, although Leon grumbles about how they should save a bit more for reconstruction.

"Hey, we're the heroes here, they can spare a little cash for us." Yuffie buys some nifty shoes (_really_ pretty high-top sneakers that take eons to lace but so what, they're crazy-cool anyways) because her old ones were officially killed last night, as well as new shorts and a new top and a new headband too (she decides to replace the scarf with a hooded vest).

Leon looks the outfit over. "Less colors," He states blankly.

"Yeah _whatever_, Mr. Rainbows," She grumbles, although she _is_ a little surprised to find that everything in her shopping bag is colored shades of gray. Huh. She hadn't noticed. Cid doesn't get anything – he never changes once he's used to something, if he can help it, stinky old work clothes included, but Aeris surprises everyone by buying an unusually showy dress ("You look like a birthday present," Yuffie says brightly). Even Leon gives in and tries on a leather jacket with fluffy feathers (Yuffie pointedly tries not to think about how she ruined his first one), and she and Aeris exchange smiles when he takes it to the counter.

He hasn't changed his name yet. But the jacket is a start. Maybe even the scar will fade, in time.

_But some scars last forever, don't they, jagged lines on your face or limbs, and I always expected you to have a ton of scars underneath your buckles and black suit – heeheehee – but the real scars were in your brain and heart and soul, weren't they? I got myself scraped a ton of times since you were gone – Sora is a real pain in the ass when you're matched up against him in the Coliseum – but the ones that really hurt are inside, too. _

They don't stop training. The worlds are restored but the Heartless aren't gone, and there are new monsters to face every day. Yuffie does her practicing in the bailey, because it's a lot more comfy there without Leon frowning out of Merlin's window. She works on the traditional ninja jutsu, casting her fingers together to form symbols, and one day she finds herself flitting from one place to another without having to move her feet, smoke clouds dancing around her ankles while she disappears for a moment and finds herself the next.

She shows it off when she gets back, and even Cloud says it could come in handy.

_Someday, I'll stretch this spell so far it'll teleport me to where you are, and if they haven't gotten your heart yet by then, **I will.**_

Days pass, time stretches, Yuffie gets a wee bit older, Leon gets a little softer (like butter, Aeris whispers conspiratorially, while she tries to teach Yuffie how to bake – if you beat it long enough, it'll soften eventually), Cloud chases after his silver-haired nemesis to still his doubt, and Hollow Bastion feels a little more filled in. The cream puff getting its center again. She offers to taste-test for old Scrooge in town, and gets a free ice cream nearly every day.

Presently she turns over the memory graveyard of her mind, sticks in some incense and burns it with the fieriest sadness she can muster, because even the anger has left her now. She wants to smile for real, already. She wants to let go. None of her radars ring anymore, except for the Heartless one, and she doesn't like hearing that one anyway. She does the ceremony with her hands fastened around a teacup (while everyone is visiting Leon's new finds in the castle), mixing meticulously and drinking in the tasteless water, hitting the brass bell with a little stick so that it goes _ping_ really gently and fades out slowly like rippling water.

_One for materia, because magic works different here. One for Wutai, because I want a place to call my home_.

_And..._

_-xx-_

"_Hey Vinnie, why do you sleep in a coffin?" Vincent is creepy like a good ghost story and he doesn't have the guts to push her away like everyone else does, or maybe he's too lazy to get up and walk away, and he'd be pretty freaky if he weren't so cool, and Yuffie admires him because of the shiny on his hand and his eyes are pretty neat too. No one else has got eyes like that._

"_Because I'm dead." He answers her questions, too, which is another reason why she likes him, although she doesn't really get what he says half the time, and the rest of the time she doesn't agree with what he says. Like now._

"_No you aren't. Look," She grabs his hand and uses it to cover the right side of his chest and then she pushes down on it, hard. "There's somethin going thump here." _

_He is too surprised to deny it._

_-xx-_

The seconds tick by and she finds she can't let go of that last one after all. She sighs, long and slow like the giant turtles drying out along the shores of Wutai's oceans.

_And one for hoping, but I still love you, Vincent Valentine, and you can't die because you weren't ever alive, not really – but you weren't Heartless at least, I know that much. You're a living memory and I can't bury you if I tried, so I guess you won't leave until I do, because there's something still going thump here...but I'm allowed to live a little, right?_

He'd want her to.

And the tea grows stale.

* * *

A/N: The last chapter I typed out so far, although I _might _do another one set in KH2 (to clear up stuff with Tifa); also, if Vincent shows up in KH3 (please, Square-Enix, please) I might tackle that as well. Thanks for reading; all comments will be very greatly appreciated. :D


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